What is pathological demand avoidance (PDA)?
Pathological demand avoidance, or PDA, is a profile within autism spectrum disorder that presents as a high degree of resistance to the demands/expectations asked of an individual. Like most things, PDA does not happen in a vacuum and should be considered through a critical lens. But before we dive into that, let’s take a closer look at the signs of PDA.
The most obvious sign of PDA is resistance to the ‘ordinary’ demands of life - ordinary is used loosely, as this is a subjective term and one predicated on a neurotypical standard. If an individual is avoiding or making excuses as to why they cannot complete daily hygiene tasks like brushing their teeth or showering, this may be something worth digging into more deeply. Other less obvious signs of PDA include putting oneself on the same level as authority figures and exhibiting comfortability in role play/pretend scenarios. Part of the PDA profile entails a resistance to authority. It is helpful for PDA-ers to understand the ‘why’ behind a demand, and this often presents as attempting to make oneself equal to the authority figures around them. Those with a PDA profile also thrive in role play scenarios, as they can dictate the themes, dialogue, and outcomes of the pretend scenario.

Taking a critical lens to pathological demand avoidance
One inherent down side to using the term ‘pathological demand avoidance’ is that it frames this behavior from a deficit lens - quite literally, a pathology. When we consider the stress of being a neurodivergent person in a neurotypical world, PDA starts to make more sense. Being neurodivergent means that you have to work twice as hard as your neurotypical counterparts to exist in a world that was not designed with you in mind. For example, neurodivergent folks have a lower capacity to filter out sensory stimuli like sounds and smells than those with a neurotypical brain. Their brains are working double time to process the high volume of input that a neurotypical brain would automatically filter out.
So when we think about PDA and the implicit expectation that individuals comply with certain standards, we need to think critically about two things: first, what is the type of demand we are making? How might we consider this ask within the framework of a neurodivergent brain? Are we expecting that the PDA-er conform with unspoken social norms that do not come intuitively to a neurodivergent brain? Second, when those with PDA are asked to comply, are we considering if they have the bandwidth to do so? It can be useful to think about your ‘yeses’ as spoons. We all have an allotted amount of spoons at any given time (i.e., emotional bandwidth). We may give one spoon to our friends, two to our job, and three to our partner. The way we dole out our spoons will vary from day to day. Neurodivergent folks are liable to run out of spoons more quickly than neurotypical peers due to the increased amount of effort it takes to complete daily tasks at work or in relationships. If an individual doesn’t have enough spoons to comply with what is being demanded of them, resistance in the form of avoidance or excuse making may result.
Supporting yourself with through pathological demand avoidance
If you are someone who lives with PDA, practice getting in touch with your limits and setting boundaries accordingly. If you can set people’s expectations from the jump about what you can/cannot do, people are less likely to make demands beyond your allotted spoons. If you want to feel supported in navigating a neurotypical world with a neurospicy brain, reach out
to us today. We’d love to walk alongside you.
References:
“Demand Avoidance” from the National Autistic Society
“Pathological Demand Avoidance” episode of the Neurodivergent Women Podcast
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